The life of fairy tale characters after the end of the fairy tales

... a.k.a. Dissecting the 'Happily ever after'

You know how fairy tales end with '... and they lived happily ever after'? But you also know how no one specifies what the word "happily" means exactly. Did you really expect that there weren't going to be consequences from the horrifying events that occurred during the 'pre-happy' lives of the characters?

Here is a sneak peek at the everyday life of famous fairy tale characters who are supposedly living 'happily ever after':

1. Cinderella

Genre: Drama

The Prince: 'Cindy, your sisters sent us another medical bill for their toes amputation. They are going to suck every last penny out of us! And would you please stop scrubbing the floor already?! We have 16 housekeepers FFS!"



2. Sleeping Beauty

Genre: Horror

The prince was sitting in his hiding spot in the gardens as he did every night since his wedding with the ex-sleeping beauty. He was desperately calling the fairies to come and help him with his now mentally unstable beloved.

'Oh, please, oh, please, I'm standing on my knees, come and take my wife, I beg you - save my life', the horrified prince repeated in the bushes every night.

A dreadful illness had taken over the princess' mind - she refused to sleep ever since her awakening of the 100-years sleep. She had been wandering through the kingdom for over 15 years now without falling asleep for a single minute. Therefore her mind had turned into a mysterious chaos, causing her to mutilate random villagers in the night. She often looked around not knowing where she was or how she got there in the first place. Her eyes had become blood-red, her hair - overgrown and matted, her feet and face - covered with scratches and wounds and her nails - bitten and filled with dirt.

A long, long time ago, while she was still sane, she had stated that she had slept long enough and had wasted enough time, so she would not fall asleep anymore. Also, she was truly afraid that she may not wake up again and random swordsmen would come and have their way with her as they've done before (or at least that's what she had heard from a trusted writer Charles Perrault).

The fairies never showed up for the prince though - six of them were brutally slayed by the crazed princess and the last one went hiding somewhere in Bulgaria.
And the prince lived in terror horribly ever after.



3. Snow White and the 7 dwarfs

Genre: Comedy

'Dear Diary,
it's me, the prince again.
Those filthy dwarfs insist on me buying ponies for all of them ('cause normal horses are too big, ofc) and they continue chasing the dogs around the courtyard and trying to hump them. Also, I just had another argument with the princess 'cause I think it's about time they stop sleeping in one bed with us.
XOXO,
The prince'



4. The beauty and the beast

Genre: Dramedy

The prince (ex-beast): 'Belle, please, PLEASE put this anti-ageing cream on your face! I can really see those wrinkles showing up!'
Belle: 'But I thought looks don't matter to you - what we have is pure love that doesn't get affected by anything...'
The prince: 'Belle, honey, we've been through this a million times: what beaing a beast taught me is that no one approves of ugliness. People become really mean and untalkative when you're not well-looking. I'm concerned for your well-being and I'm doing all of this because I love you! And please, don't put that dress on - you look so fat in it!'

5. Hansel and Gretel

Genre: Thriller

'Hansel, please, I beg of you, have at least one bite, your anorexia is getting out of control! I told you - no one is going to cook and eat you if you get a little healthier', Gretel tried to convince her brother once again.
'Okay, maybe I'll have a bite, but only if you promise not to try to kill Grandma again! Seriously, you have to get your psychosis under control, 'cause it's getting so hard to hide all those bodies of old ladies... And I'm getting weaker anyway. Not to speak of all the people around the village asking questions about their grandmothers...', Hansel replied.
'I'll try, but you know very well how the visions of every old woman trying to kill us take over me... And I'm not sure it's paranoia. I think there's someth...'
"Oh, shut up! Here, I'm eating! God...', Hansel told his sister, while taking a fake sip of the soup.